SHAFTWAXER

I’ve been following Phish and the various iterations of the band for well over a decade. My first show was to see them in a small theater that had at best 1200 people in it. It was a great show, and the thing that I was struck with was how diverse the crowd was. Young and old, aged hippies, college kids, average faceless nobodies… Didn’t matter, everybody was really laid back about everything. There was this powerfully strong vibe that rocked. And the dancing… Lots of dancing at the shows. They came from all across the country to experience the music and experience “it”.

Over time, something happened.

One, Jerry Garcia died. Tons of Dead fans were torn and lost, and they started coming to Phish shows as a replacement for the intense touring that both Phish and the Dead did. Two, people were no longer coming for the music, they were coming for the vibe. This led to people just coming for the epic drug use. The laid back vibe of people being really cool with it was still there, but harder to find. The people completely there for the music started to get sucked away into a sense of entitlement by some. Some joked that Phish could walk on stage and piss in the ears of their fans and the fans would take it and ask for more. While crude, there was a certain level of truth to it. To their credit, Phish never did that, and as soon as they started to fear that they were losing their edge, they called it quits after 21 years.

The guitar player is currently on tour with the second iteration of his solo project, and that’s where I was last night. For the record, that show in Chicago was easily the best live concert I have been to in 3 years or more. I danced my ass off. I’m hurting because of it now the day after, but fuck it. It was worth it. They jammed hard, they rocked harder, and I left feeling something that I had lost and not experienced in way too long.

Since my friend had won tickets off the radio for the concert, we had some extras that we needed to get rid of. Easy, we’ll sell them for face at the door, there are always a horde of people looking for extras at Phish and Phish-a-like shows, this will be easy.

Not so.

While the show was sold out, there were tons of people looking to get rid of their extras. Maybe they were people hoping to cash in on the madness of Phish fans trying to rekindle the past, but there were more tickets than people wanting them. There were, of course, a bunch of unshowered hemp wearing hippies hoping to score a “miracle” and have somebody just give them a ticket. These are the people that annoy the fuck out of me. I work hard to make the money to buy the tickets. You expect people to just give your smelly stoned ass a hand out? I don’t think so.

Time goes by, we realize we are not going to get face value. We lower the price. It’s getting dire. 2 obnoxious stoned hippie girls stagger wanting a miracle. No. They are standing there holding up their finger, hoping they will get in. Standing next to them are 3 of us holding our tickets trying to sell them for under face. What’s wrong with this picture? Another guy walks up. “I’ll give you a dollar!” No. We almost start to consider it because it’s kinda funny… and then he opens his fat mouth and adds “Hell, I wouldn’t even pay a buck for the show. It’s not worth it. Besides, sooner or later you’re going to have to do something with those tickets.” No. I don’t have to. PS: Go to hell.

Back to the obnoxious hippie chicks. They find another guy with a hemp hat who is working very hard to keep it together (yet still slurring his stoned speech together) to come up and talk to me. “Hey, man, I’m trying hard to get my girl here in the show, she really wants to see it. Why don’t you just give it to her man? I mean, you’re not gonna sell it. Just give it to her.” My friend and I are both annoyed. Knowing we are really running out of time and that we are both starting to anxious to get in, I turn and look at my friend, the one who actually bought the tickets. I say “I’ll give you $30 right now to walk in the show.” Without missing a beat, he said, “Let’s go.”

Fuckin’ hippies…